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[Feb. 6th, 2008|01:55 am] |
sometimes - and only sometimes - sleeping alone really sucks.
lost is pretty cool though. |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 27th, 2007|03:35 am] |
FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK
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FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 30th, 2007|01:18 am] |
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everything is way too fucking crazy and it needs to stop. i never realized how much it helped having someone i could talk to about anything, or even just having someone sleeping in the same room, until without even knowing what happened, there's not a goddamn person i feel close enough to. |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 11th, 2007|06:49 pm] |
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heeeeey livejournal. i'm moving to denton. remix to ignition. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 6th, 2007|02:24 am] |
i really thought i had changed.
i still suppose i have, although apparently not enough to refrain from being a fucking idiot the one time i need not to be more than anything.
as much as you can grow up and change shit, the past will always be there to fuck you up. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 2nd, 2007|01:27 am] |
i want someone to understand that i'm only 20. i wake up every morning and drive half an hour to work listening to music that only screams to me even louder that i'm too damn young for my own life. i was given an amazing opportunity, even after everything i've fucked up, to do a job people spend nearly a decade of school preparing for. but all i had to prepare for it was growing up nearly a decade before i should have. sometimes i think i need my kids so much more than they could ever need me. i'm still trying to figure out how to live. but every single day i have to put that aside and help 30 different kids at 4 different schools how to figure out the same thing. and every night i have to put aside the fact that i'm still 20 and do it all again in the morning. i love my job. i love my kids. but sometimes it all just makes me fucking crazy. sometimes i just want to be 20. i want to stop being so ahead. i want to stop being in love with someone who isn't even the same person i fell in love with. i want to stop crying the whole fucking drive home from work and have someone there who will let me laugh about it. i want to stop having these moments of being so damn pathetic. i've got it all. i even have a damn garden. my life is amazing. but somehow there's still this huge fucking hole. one that i'm still too terrified to fill. i miss not waking up alone. and having someone there to make it all okay.
shit needs to get fucking stupid again. in a good way.
oh, and i fucking hate livejournal. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 13th, 2006|01:16 am] |
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it helps with the lights out. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 20th, 2006|12:12 pm] |
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it's fucking awesome outside. i want to be on a boat. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 18th, 2006|07:27 pm] |
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i think about moving far too often. i don't know how to start over if i stay in the same place. then again, the past two years would attest to the fact that i'm not too good at starting over regardless of location. it's never the city, it's always me. i'd pay you a hundred dollars if it would stop me from being weird. too bad i'm broke again. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 15th, 2006|05:49 pm] |
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friends are bullshit. loyalty is one-sided. love is a joke. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 13th, 2006|07:54 pm] |
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i just want someone to tell me that i'm not crazy and that somehow everything's going to end up alright and for it to actually be true this time. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 10th, 2006|08:38 pm] |
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there's a difference between running away and not being afraid to leave. i'm going with the latter. my lease is up at the end of the year. i'm still going. i got done with attachments a long time ago. you can study all you want. it doesn't mean shit until you live it. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 6th, 2006|01:55 am] |
students packing off to war with flowers in their rifles and patriotic songs on their lips, too young, too innocent to suspect what bloody rites of passage awaited them. trenchfighters whose twisted smiles and evasive glances revealed their close companionship with death. pleasure-seekers, cigarettes hanging from the corner of their mouths, defiance and despair showing in the directness of their stares and the set of their faces. communists, heads bobbing in a sea of masses, prisoners of the movement they claimed to guide. fascists, tight-lipped, stiff-postured, without pity for others or themselves. pacifists campaigning belligerently against war. veterans unable to forget the grandeur of the trenches. wasted women who had become widows before becoming wives. a generation missing, sacrificed, decimated, destroyed. for an old bitch gone in the teeth, for a botched civilization. lost because it has no history. lost because it's history is overlaid with myth. destroy the world and survive it.
scott's out of jail. that's all i need. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 2nd, 2006|02:27 pm] |
when shit hits you harder than you thought it would, it sucks.
people need to stop dying.
two in two months.
i wonder who's going down in march. |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 25th, 2006|04:45 pm] |
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less than an hour of sleep in the past three days. fuck that shit. i'm losing my mind. i just want to go to sleep. instead, i'm sitting here listening to my slutass cat be in heat. jkadsgfsdj. jacob come back already. |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 12th, 2006|09:56 pm] |
so here's what you missed out on when you gave me five seconds and then decided that life obviously goes on without me.
i started realizing how good it can be when you have friends who actually care about you as much as you care about them.
it's about to be my birthday, but you probably don't even remember which town i live in anymore.
i almost died a few times.
i had a miscarriage.
i had friends who were there for me like i've always been there for you.
i got my knuckles tattooed, cut my hair a few times, i even started wearing makeup every once in a while.
i haven't stopped listening to panic at the disco since you gave it to me.
i hate panic at the disco, but it reminds me of you, just like that damn coheed song and silverstein and every other shitty band that you ever made me listen to.
from autumn to ashes will always give me the most unsettling feeling in my stomach.
i can make food now. you'd be proud.
i've called you and emailed you a million times, but you never can seem to find time to get back to me.
a long time ago, i lost count of the times i've cried myself to sleep because i miss you so much it hurts every fucking inch of my body.
four, five, seven years. i don't know how long it was. all i know is that you were the first real friend i ever had. and as dramatic as i may be, you were my life for so long. i suppose that learning how to stand without you is a good thing. but it doesn't take away from how badly it hurts.
i don't know what happened. i know i didn't do anything. i'm sorry i'm not a christian or a houston scene kid or a slut. i guess that's what it takes to be your friend these days.
shit was good, but i guess we grew up. apart. whatever. fuck it. it's gone.
i'll always love you and you'll always be my best friend and it will always hurt like hell.
die young and save yourself. |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 9th, 2006|12:50 pm] |
when my lease is up, i'm moving to ireland for four months.
that's all. |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 5th, 2006|09:39 pm] |
birthday's are annoying as fuck. but so far this one is turning out to be pretty nice. i got a communist cake, some rad books, and a pretty decent sunday afternoon.
the most awesome part - my birthday's still two weeks away.
my rent was due five days ago, and i have no idea where i put the money to pay it. i'm good like that. |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 3rd, 2006|11:05 am] |
i got my ass kicked all day long by a 2 year old. this kid's diabolical as fuck. i'm fairly certain she's the antichrist. but i did teach her to raise her fist and say communism. it came out more like "commie-ism" but it's all good. i got paid to do that shit.
pt2: the weather's fucking awesome. someone outside is whistling. skunkface just bit my foot.
i make badass quesadillas at 4 in the morning. lemon pepper is the best shit ever. |
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